Bikini Blitzkrieg (Fake Trailer)

During the last days I was wondering what happened to the Bikini Blitzkrieg Project. In 2011, Fred Neuen (in co-production with radar and remedia.lu) released a Fake Trailer called Bikini Blitzkrieg;  a Luxembourgish attempt to jump on the modern grindhouse, exploitation, trash bandwagon. Sadly that’s all it was: an attempt.

Luxembourg was never known for its movies or their histoire du cinéma but what is presented with this trailer is quite an impudence. I thought a lot about how I should approach Bikini Blitzkrieg. Should I write something or just ignore it? In the end I decided to do it the honest way by sharing a few of my thoughts with you.

First of all there is absolutely nothing original nor innovative about this trailer. The whole nazisploitation genre died years ago and even modern attemps (especially combining it with the zombie sub-genre) failed 99% of the time. Guns, boobs and blood are the 3 holy ingredients of nearly every B-Movie so I don’t give Fred and his crew credits for discovering and using those. The rest of the ideas and the plot (??) are not even worth mentioning.

In the description of the youtube video, the uploader writes about the help of talented and dedicated friends, which first of all is a massive slap in every actor’s face, and second a simple lie. The people may all be friends, I won’t argue about that. They may also be dedicated, which nevertheless is quite hard to believe and I even bet that none of the actors has ever seen an exploitation or grindhouse movie (to which, after all, Bikini Blitzkrieg wants to pay homage) but they are for sure NOT talented. Ok, you may claim now that I already wrote a lot about trash movies with fucked-up actors (like Troll2, Terror Firmer, Dead Dudes in the House) and that I liked them. You are right, B-Movies do not need talented actors but they have to work with heart, so please do not take your audience for a fool and stop lying.

Furthermore it took Fred and his crew 2 days to film the whole stuff, now you can ask yourself what the hell took them so long. Post-production took them one year and here the result is even worse. In fact, it is the post-production, with the visual effects and the CG 3D models, which ruins everything. If you compare the Bikini Blitzkrieg effects to a SYFY CGI trash pearl like Mega Python vs. Gatoroid the latter one looks like the new Hobbit. To be honest I wonder why they even put that much of this stuff in the trailer but, as I said before, the people involved in this trailer have probably not seen too many grindhouse flicks and have never dealt with the subject and the genres but just copied. Making B-Movies is a life style not a hyped style. The director and co.  should have focussed more on the story and on self-made props rather than on computer stuff because in the end this is some of the worst work I have ever seen.

To conclude, I hope that this project will never become a full-length movie and there is absolutely no excuse for doing such a trailer, even not that they are from Luxembourg and had no fundings. If you, nevertheless, are interested in the trailer, watch it here and now.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZCMiGSsLZ9c]
Keep it independent!

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