Troll 2

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Troll 2 was released in 1990 by the Italian director Claudio Fragasso and is often described as the worst movie ever, which of course is absolutely bullshit. It seems that a lot of reviewers and so-called journalists have never seen Piratenmassaker, which without any doubt is the worst flick ever made. Piratenmassaker is like Bono from U2 playing Nickelback songs in a duet with Scott Stapp. Troll 2 is completely different and one of my favourite cult comedy movies.

However, in order to understand Troll 2 and its epicness you have to consider some simple “facts”, which I define as The 7 Holy Commandments Always Having In Mind While Watching Troll 2.

  1. Do not expect a horror movie. Troll 2 is more like an unintended trash comedy.
  2. Other than director Fragasso you, at no moment, should consider this flick as an attempt of changing the history of cinema. The director must have constantly been on drugs for the last 2 decades declaring his movie as a serious one.
  3. Always remember that Troll 2 has nothing to do with Troll from 1986. There even are not trolls, only dwarfs dressed-up as vegetarian killer goblins. (amazing, simply AMAZING!)
  4. Furthermore have in mind that these vegetarian goblins turn people into plants in order to eat them.
  5. The cheap costume designs mainly consist of potato sacks and static Halloween masks made by…ATTENTION…the Dutch soft-porn actress Laura Gemser. Costume design probably only consisted in sewing and buying some masks.
  6. The actors are all rookies and behave like overacting monkeys on Valium suffering from facioplegia. Combined with the really great but confused and fucked-up storyline, monologues and dialogues together with Fragasso’s lack of English make this movie to something outstandingly amusing. Here is one example of what I mean:
  7. If you can’t resist searching for something which actually has something to do with professional film-making (only god knows why you would do that) you should focus on the camera work. Director of photography Giancarlo Ferrando was probably the only one on the set who knew what he was doing.

All in all Troll 2 is a ridiculous and completely absurd campy movie with a lot of charm. Beside the 7 holy commandments I just explained, the movie also taught me really useful and important lessons which, from now on, I will always consider in real life. So here is the second segment of the movie review called Things I Have Learned From Troll 2.

  • Vegans cannot be trusted anymore. They may be killer goblins!
  • Drugs are bad. Never smoke pot while writing a plot.
  • Italian directors are crazy as shit.
  • It is absolutely legitimate to dress-up dwarfs as goblins and call your movie Troll 2.
  • People at IMDB have no clue when it comes to good/bad movies.
  • You should hire a soft-porn actress only for one purpose and I am not talking about costume designs.

I rated Troll 2 with a ten out of ten. Ok, it certainly has not turned out how it was supposed to but the flick is hilarious and never gets boring and in the end, that’s the most important thing.

Also check out the documentary about Troll 2: Best Worst Movie.


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