The Majestic Unicorns From Hell – Valde Purgamentum

“Holy fuck!”…those were the first words that came to my mind after I finished my very first listen-through of The Majestic Unicorns From Hell‘s debut album Valde Purgamentum. And I could probably end my review here, and have said everything that needs to be said. But, I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t at least elaborate a tiny bit further. So without further ado, let’s dive into this thirteen track beast.

The dynamic quartet from Luxembourg plays instrumental … I’ll just say “music”. Because trying to categorize their sound is close to impossible, since there are elements of thrash, black, death, industrial, blues, groove, funk, jazz and pretty much every other genre you can imagine. While it might sound super chaotic on paper, it’s just that: chaos, but of the perfectly structured kind which simply won’t let you go.

This feat is achieved by the incredibly high musicianship of all four members, who completely master their instruments and then add another layer of ingenuity. I hereby challenge you to count the seemingly endless amount of nifty drum fills alone. The variety of the different riffs and licks in the guitar department is just as insane and in no way has to hide behind the man with the sticks.

While I generally prefer music with vocals, of which there are none on here except a few spoken lines by one of the best exports from New Zealand since the LOTR trilogy, the Unicorns managed to captivate me with their sheer balls-to-the-wall, dial to eleven attitude. I can guarantee that these thirty-six minutes will not disappoint you, if you don’t have a pre-existing heart condition…in which case I would advise caution.

To sum it up, I can safely say that Valde Purgamentum has made it to the top of my “music I never want to have sex to” list, for fear of dying. More seriously though: this record is one of my personal surprises of the year and I strongly recommend giving it a go. More info can be found on their Facebook page and by listening to the song below, which is not a mix from the final album. If I still haven’t managed to convince you, stop by Decibel in Luxembourg this Friday and make up your own opinion since the band will be releasing their CD there.