Tag Archives: short

Gabelstapler-Klaus kehrt zurück – Jetzt muss der Chef fahren

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Whenever the name Jochen Taubert pops up on your screen, kill your TV, burn down your house and run away, don’t even think about saving your children and wife/husband. After I saw the first 30 minutes of Piratenmassaker months ago, I swore on the Bible that I would never ever watch a Taubert movie again but I lied and I hate myself for it.
How could this happen to me? Well, while doing some cinematographic research I thought that I had found the sequel to the amazing cult short movie: Staplerfahrer Klaus – Der erste Arbeitstag (2000). Then I read that this so-called sequel was directed by Taubert and before I even could get sceptical it was too late and the movie was running.

Before you walk into Taubert’s trap as I did, I want to WARN you: Gabelstapler-Klaus kehrt zurück – Jetzt muss der Chef fahren (2012) isn’t a sequel AT ALL. The director tries to fool you as he chose a title which can easily be interpreted as the logical successor of the classic original. This is a cheap trick which is usually used in the porn business but in the end Taubert won, I was naive and the joy over a second Staplerfahrer Klaus eliminated all kinds of further research and even reason.
This film is an absolute audaciousness and Jochen T. shows the whole world again that he is 100% talentless when it comes to movies. The story is basically about a company where all the forklift truck drivers, due to food poisoning, call in sick. The boss’ secretary calls the employment agency in order to claim compensation and the boss decides to show the new workers how to handle a forklift truck. Everything gets out of control.

Even though I have the presumption that Taubert has read at least one of Lloyd Kaufman‘s books namely Make Your Own Damn Movie!, he is beyond remedy. Let me explain. Kaufman says in his book that everybody can do a movie or even should do a movie regardless the budget. If you are thinking about working on no or low budget (as Taubert does) you should at least profit by the stuff you have or you can easily get access to. If your brother has an old car which he doesn’t use anymore, use it in your film and destroy it. If the mayor of your city decides to blow up an old factory or the elementary school in order to build luxurious apartments, go there and film it because even though your story has no blown-up school in it, it is great footage which you can easily put in the film and it is for free!

In the documentary Blood, Boobs and Beast Lloyd  claims that if you have nothing at all to work with but you still want people to watch your movie or to get it distributed, use handmade gore effects, blood and other body fluids, and last but not least use a lot of nudity (sex sells!!) and a monster. As I mentioned above, it seems that Jochen has read or at least has heard of these instructions because he tries to carry them out but is not even capable to implement these easy-to-follow steps. The self-made vomit, which should be used in order to make the viewer feel “mal à l’aise”, looks just lame, the blood looks like (or even is) Ketchup and the “nudity” is reduced to boob pawing and girls in mini skirts. I am absolutely not motivated to write about Taubert’s cinematographic skills or the overplaying of the actors, everything can be read in my review of Piratenmassaker, because nothing has changed, everything stays the same with Gabelstapler-Klaus kehrt zurück – Jetzt muss der Chef fahren. I watched the movie on youtube and the best part of it was at minute 8 when youtube decided to give me a break and brought in a commercial. DO NOT WATCH THIS PIECE OF CRAP!

-Luc-

Familiar

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Fatal Pictures is a Canadian filmmaking team consisting of producer/director Richard Powell and producer Zach Green. Familiar (2012) is their third short after Consumption (2008) and Worm (2010), neither of which I have seen so far but which I am surely going to check out in the future. For now, let us just concentrate on their most recent output.

The 24 minutes short flick is about middle-aged John Dodd (Robert Nolan) who is pretty upset, disgusted and bored with his life and role as a family man. Being a husband and father gives a lot of men a sense of security, which is not the case for Dodd, who feels stuck and despises his wife. In addition he is counting the days until his daughter is old enough to leave for college so he can be free of his family. Unfortunately for him, events don’t turn out as he imagined and the man, who tried to get his life under control, starts suspecting the negative impulses plaguing his mind may not be his own.

There are 3 main aspects which hold Familiar together and set it apart from other, moderate, or even really good short movies. First of all, and beyond all doubt, there is Nolan‘s incredible acting performance. I surely give credits to Powell for the well-written dialogues between the main character and his mind but it in the end it is Nolan who conducts these “conversations”. The switch between the “conversations” and the actual actions is never getting boring, nor superfluous or unnatural. Nolan’s acting is responsible for the weird feeling I felt throughout the whole movie. He did an amazing job!

Second, there is the work of director of photography Michael Jari Davidson and especially the Butcher Shop special effect team. Familiar is not a brutal, bloody flick per se but the team did a fantastic job at creating the physical monster growing inside Nolan. The movie has this strong Cronenberg touch and the FX team, which to be honest was my biggest fear, didn’t fuck it up but rather up the ante. The interplay of the film aesthetics, the acting and the special effects works perfectly.

Third aspect to be mentioned is the incredible turn of the movie and its smooth transition. It’s not that the turn can’t be foreseen in some way or another, but believe me when I say that it is going to be heavier as you may think. Whereas a lot of movies lose in authenticity by introducing a physical monster, Powell was able to maintain and even reinforce the specific cinematic atmosphere dominated by disease and disaster. I am sure that a lot of people made up their own interpretation of the ending and so did I but I won’t share it with you. Instead I strongly urge you to watch it!

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dC7vUD2OQSo]

Banana Motherfucker

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The movie title stands on its own and if you are into fun splatter flicks, you can easily skip the review and just buy the dvd for 4-5 euros HERE.

If you are not familiar with the Portuguese independent film crew The Clones (even though this is our third review after Papa Wrestling and BLARGHAAARHGARG!!), I am going to drop a few lines. Banana Motherfucker is commonly described as “(…) the harrowing tale of a group of filmmakers who unleash a new form of evil – Bananas! What starts off as a small scale attack becomes a total world-wide domination by this delicious fruit, resulting in about 80 deaths jam packed in 15 minutes.” (twitchfilm.com). Still not convinced? Well, I think you simply won’t like the movie then.

Banana Motherfucker (2011) again is a low-budget comedy splatter with a lot of do-it-yourself special effects/props and this time the clowns ehrm…Clones threw some really nice classic horror movie homages in. I won’t spoiler too much but every horror fan will recognize some Nightmare On Elm Street, Terminator and Jaws here, some King Kong and Cannibal Holocaust there but in the end Attack of the Killer Tomatoes probably is the most obvious one. Even zombie movies are attacked with the black guy, who dies in every zombie flick, randomly and completely out of context appearing just to die!

It is the whole concept of Banana Motherfucker which makes this 15 minute short flick that attractive. The mentioned above homages, the over-dramatized and hilarious bad acting accompanied by typical ’80s horror music. The Portuguese language with every second word being caralho (dick) and a nice filho da puta (son of a bitch) from time to time. But what I really like about the Clones and their movies is the love for detail when it comes to the death scenes. Although they are all DIY, they look amazing. There are decapitations, seperated extremities, impaled heads, eyes, guts and blood, in short everything a fun splatter needs. And the most important thing: you always have a huge smile on your face and this throughout the whole movie.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tA-vcDlTmeA]

P.s. If you are afraid of ever getting attacked by fresh fruit and especially bananas you should join the Monty Python self-defense course.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=piWCBOsJr-w]

BLARGHAAARHGARG

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A long time ago Eric from El Gore reviewed the Portuguese short Papa Wrestling which was quite a surprise for me as I had never heard of the independent production crew Clones before. They immediately got my interest with Papa Wrestling and I decided to follow them in the future. BLARGHAAARHGARG is the group’s second short movie with the production starting back in 2010. This flick is a complete independent movie and was mostly financed by selling Papa Wrestling DVD’s and secondhand clothes at the Lisabon flea market.

The story is short and simple. An exterminator upsets some chemicals during his job in a lab. The chemicals get in contact with his nasal mucosa and after he blew his nose, a hungry and destructive snot-monster evolutes out of his bogey. That’s all and I don’t know about you but I don’t need more.

BLARGHAAARHGARG is that kind of movie title to which I am attracted like flies are to dog shit. The movie itself is abolutely genious with the exact amount of slapstick and black humor. The monster is a cheap paper mache construct but not less wonderful and sympathetic as a lot of the known, independent puppet, paper mache, body-suit monsters from the past 80 years. The special effects are exactly my taste: slimy, gory honest and handmade with great sound effects rounding everything off. One thing I really appreciated is around 9:58 min. This typical ’80s and ’90s series armament in the style of the A-Team, Mc Guiver and even Home Alone.

The ending is completely nuts and I am still all smiles when I just think about it. I do not want to spoiler too much, I just advise you to really pay attention to the sound when the monster leaves the room. Whoever came up with this idea is an absolute genius. BLARGHAAARHGARG is a quite fucked up monster movie and you really fast get an idea in which direction this flick is going, namely in the direction of Killer Condom and co. If you are a Troma fan, you will love this (and all the other Clones movies). But in the end these guys do not simply copy Troma, they are for sure inspired by Uncle Lloydie but have their completely own idea of craziness.

To conclude, I have just seen their last masterpiece which I am also going to review in the near future. Be prepared for some awesome nonsense. I am really looking forward to seeing what the Clones’ crew has to offer. Stay independent and make some art!

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ni1MrpZDjrk]