One Last Breath – Will You Make Me A Sandwich If I Make Some Noise?


Today I will review the debut album Will You Make A Sandwich If I Make Some Noise? of the local melodic metalcore band One Last Breath. The band is still fairly unknown but the guys have been working on their record for some time now, so let’s see what there is to say about it, shall we?

The first song is an intro that goes on for six whole minutes…my first major criticism. Don’t get me wrong: the concept behind it is great and fits the name of the band perfectly but it simply goes on for far too long and completely fails to get me pumped for the following songs, sadly. The real opener Voices Of War however makes up for it with its driving main riff and the powerful drumming…but again it’s plagued by a similar problem as the intro: it’s too long and thus becomes repetitive…a theme that is predominant throughout the remainder of the forty-eight minutes as well.

There is another big downside to the album: the production. It’s not terrible but, quite frankly, it lacks the necessary power, especially the guitars sound very mushy and a vast amount of the details simply gets lost in the ensemble. Also, it seemed to me that during songs the volume of certain instruments varied from time to time. The vocals on the other hand were quite enjoyable, except the aforementioned mixing.

This is one of the rare instances where I’m glad we don’t give out ratings for albums because I would have to rate this album rather low…which I’d be happy about it if were truly justified. Because here’s the catch: the songs have a ton of cool ideas and I’m confident in saying that under different circumstances I’d be able to thoroughly enjoy the eight tracks. If you are not put off by my rather subjective points of critique, by any means give this band a listen! For more information about them and the release date of the album, you can check their Facebook page.

Listen to the song Voices of War here!

Trash Monday LXXII


Well, I have to admit, I’ve been very lazy for this one and only typed ‘worst music video ever’ into youtube. The result though is stunning once more. I don’t even have a clue who this is, if you know let us know! And you really must watch the guest appearance at 2:09!
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6EqxOvMIYMU]

Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie

Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a new winner in the category “most annoying masked men/women in media ever.” With the release (and hype) of Daft Punk’s disco record Random Access Memories I thought that nobody could threaten their leading position but I was wrong. A few days ago I saw a retro (coincidence?) film which hid in a dusty, dark corner for nearly 2 decades just to ambush and slay me with its power. Sorry disco dudes, this stuff hit me deadly and I have no other choice but to call my decision off.

The new winner is Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie from 1995 and a “we had no idea what we were doing” life-time award goes to director Bryan Spicer and his wonderful writers Arne Olsen/John Kamps. I am aware of the 90s children super-hero movies being mostly a clever move in order to sell even more of the shitty franchise products. Children are great customers and you should try to keep them at it but this film is a farce and I feel personally affronted by this incredible masterpiece of crap.

If you decide to create a super-hero group franchise for children with the goal to con money out of the parents all over the world, you have to follow a few important rules. The most important one is that every single child should have the possibility to identify with one of the heroes. Write and develop at least 4 different characters: the geek, the clown, the introverted and the extroverted. If you want to increase the degree of difficulty and prejudices you can play with colours and gender in order to make the whole show more “realistic”. Secondly, you should place value on the fact that even though everybody is a respected and important individual, the heroes gain even more power by teaming up. When everybody has their part to play, the circle of friends unfolds its great magical power and the impossible can be achieved. To conclude, you have to include some “monsters”, preferably some silly but mean adults, do product placement of the products you have available in your shop and want to sell, pick some awesome costumes and weapons, make everything look cool and advertise like there is no tomorrow.

Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie tries to follow these “instructions” but as everybody involved in this movie is a terrible miscast and unable to fulfill his job, the result is absolutely disastrous. I would never let my children watch a film like that. Not because of moral or ethical reasons but because it is completely absurd, extraneous and dumb.

Watching a super-hero movie for children with the kids is like going to the local Mc Donalds. It is not the healthiest thing but there is nothing wrong with it as long as you take their education seriously. Watching Power Rangers with children, however, is like getting them an empty happy meal bag from which the toy is missing.

Queens Of The Stone Age – …Like Clockwork


As comparisons seem to be inevitable when it comes to QOTSA, let me say it right from the beginning: no, this is nothing like the self titled debut, it’s not Rated R and it surely won’t reach Songs For The Deaf. There will probably never ever be an album like one of those 3 again, take it or leave it.

…Like Clockwork is the 6th studio album from the Palm Desert rockers, the first in 6 years. Keep Your Eyes Pealed is a dark and threatening opener, unpredictable considering a potential outburst. The bass is hard and dirty, and in fact, this opener doesn’t really give a hint considering the whole LP’s sound, except for the darkness. …Like Clockwork is a very smooth album. Don’t expect any fast and heavy songs like in the past. However, the typical QOTSA sound is preserved in every minute, even if it doesn’t always seem so. The “druggy” Era Vulgaris sound as well as a few Them Crooked Vultures (and even Eagles Of Death Metal) elements are present, but not at all characterising for this record, which in its essence is the darkest, most pessimistic and most sensitive release by QOTSA so far.

Two piano ballads, pending between John Lennon and the great Mosquito Song, even found their way on the tracklist, underlining the melancholic overtone once more. But all this doesn’t mean that …Like Clockwork can’t be considered as a potential soundtrack of the summer, or that the queens totally lost their heaviness, on the contrary! If I Had A Tail is a perfect road trip track, My God Is The Sun is the hard flagship of this release and grows bigger and bigger the more you turn the volume up. Songs like Kalopsia or Smooth Sailing are hidden stars with their melodic and grooving surprising moments.

I Appear Missing (together with My God Is The Sun) embodies the obvious epic moment of …Like Clockwork, combining a western soundtrack with a powerful outflow. This album really works in its entirety. The different sound impressions may sometimes imply a feeling of incoherence, though. One question that remains is about the live compatibility. We’ll find out during this summer’s festival season.

In case you wonder if too many cooks spoil the broth I can calm your worries. Although there is a huge amount of guest contributions by, among others, Nick Oliveri, Elton John or Trent Reznor, they are mostly found in details or in the background. The most obvious and great contribution, in my eyes, can be found by Mister Reznor in Kalopsia. The performances by Joey Castillo and Dave Grohl are noteworthy, as always, but I especially want to pick out Michael Shuman who supplies a great bass play.

To return to the comparisons, and now I’m being very subjective (and as I mentioned above, one probably shouldn’t compare too much), this sounds a little like Lullabies…, but way more dangerous, and also a bit like Rated R, but less aggressive. One may even find moments of the filigree Songs For The Deaf but, like every QOTSA output, this LP has its very own character. Personally, I think this is their best release since 2002, whatever “best” means.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iFca32_7YUU]

Sleeping With Sirens – Feel

If there’s one criticism people sometimes utter when it comes to music that I absolutely despise, it would be “Band XYZ’s new album sucks because it sounds nothing like their old stuff”. Seriously? If you want a band to sound the same as you’re used to, just go listen to their previous records. I, for one, welcome evolution and innovation of a band’s sonic spectrum, even if it’s very different to what I’m used to. Said phenomenon is definitely something that Sleeping With Sirens will experience with their new release Feel.

The difference can be noticed after the first few seconds of the title track: everything sounds more radio-friendly and a lot of the post hardcore aspects are dialed back quite a bit. Instead you’re confronted with a hybrid of hard rock and post hardcore… which is weird at first, but it grows on you, or at least it did on me. And even though the majority of the twelve tracks remains faithful to this formula, you have a couple of tracks that somewhat go back to the older, heavier concept.

Instrumentally, I’d have to say that they removed a bit of the complexity but by doing so they added a certain catchiness to most of the songs. The vocal performance is perfect as usual if you are into Kellin Quinn’s type of voice (tenor leggiero, thanks Wikipedia). For those of you who are as clueless as me as to what that means: basically it’s rather high-pitched clean vocals which automatically means that it’s probably not everyone’s cup of tea.

To spice things up, there are four guest vocalists throughout the forty-four minutes: Machine Gun Kelly on Alone, Shayley Bourget of Dayshell on I’ll Take You There, Fronz of Attila on The Best There Ever Was and last but not least Matty Mullins of Memphis May Fire on Congratulations. The latter might remind some of you guys of a song by some other rather famous band that I won’t mention here… but I’ll let you be the judge of that. It’s a killer song either way.

To sum things up I’d say that even though SWS‘ third album is probably my least favorite of the band, it’s not as terrible as everyone makes it out to be. Give it a shot, try to keep an open mind and you will not be disappointed. I’m sure as hell going to re-listen to it more than once in the future. If I managed to make you curious, visit the band’s Facebook page where you can stream it in its entirety and check out my personal highlight below!

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=irtPMGHR0KA]

Chernobyl Diaries

We humans tend to get off on things that get our adrenaline pumping. Some of us watch horror movies for that reason, others do bungee jumping, and then there are the people (typically ditzy Americans, according to your cookie-cutter horror flick) who seek the thrill of a little more real, imminent and glamourous danger by venturing into the realm of extreme tourism.

In Chernobyl Diaries, a group of three Americans — Chris, his girlfriend Natalie and their mutual friend Amanda — tour around Europe. They end up visiting Chris’ slightly douchey brother in the Ukraine who then convinces the bunch to hire a tour guide to take them to Pripyat, an abandoned city on the outskirts of Chernobyl where the workers of the infamous nuclear reactor used to reside. The vacationers, who are joined by another couple before they set off, soon realise that the place might not be so abandoned after all, and the potentially chillingly fun trip turns into a lethal clusterfuck.

Although I do see why one could take issue with Chernobyl Diaries or just plain dislike it, I disagree with the vast majority of reviewers I’ve come across who absolutely tear the film apart and barely have one star to spare. The acting is okay. A bit flat, but we’ve all seen worse in a genre that doesn’t leave a lot of room for character development or hard-hitting dialogues, and I think Jesse McCartney in particular did a surprisingly great job. The jump scares are few and effective without being overtly cheap. (Hold out for the bear scene – granted, it is hilariously random, but that one killed me.) I like the cinematography, too. The shaky camera gives the film an ominous, found footage vibe, which I think works well with the story and adds to the tension.

My biggest but ultimately baseless worry from start to finish was the film’s premise. If you choose to capitalise on the world’s worst nuclear accident to date by using its consequences as a means to build your plot, it goes without saying that the execution should be tasteful, and from the way I see it, the makers of Chernobyl Diaries largely managed to avoid the myriad of traps and hazards that come with the territory. This is worth applauding and already more than I would expect of any sci-fi horror flick. Trust me, I’ve seen tacky, and this one doesn’t pass the test.

Still, I acknowledge that the film has its faults, the most irritating being the ending. It’s improbable, hasty and strangely out of place. Instead of keeping it classy and heightening the ultimate suspense and scare factor by using an open ending, they tried to squeeze in an explanation for the obtuse plebeians in the back seats who might not have caught the obvious. (There are more minor examples of this borderline condescending attitude towards the audience sprinkled throughout the film.) I really wish they would’ve just thrown the last 10 minutes out of the final cut.

I didn’t find out that Oren Peli is responsible for the story and screenplay until after I’d watched the film, and as a big fan of the first Paranormal Activity (the fifth installment of the tired franchise is set to be released later this year, by the by), I do have to say that this one is relatively weak in comparison. But I recognised Peli’s penchant for suggesting the horrifying rather than showing it, which I deem the single most effective formula in horror.

In conclusion, if you go into this movie expecting an illuminating commentary on or analysis of the Chernobyl disaster and its impacts, you will be sorely disappointed. The same is true if you go into it hoping for originality and innovation. If you go into it with a willingness to be entertained and creeped out for a majority of its 86 minutes runtime, however, you have a good chance of getting your money’s worth. Chernobyl Diaries isn’t groundbreaking or “the best” in any regard, but it makes for a thoroughly solid horror experience.

Blood, Boobs & Beast

For many of us, it takes a hard slap in the face to wake up from our state of complacency and acknowledge that we’re not living life as fully as we could. Life gave it to Don Dohler in form of a shotgun pointed at his head on his 30th birthday. He was sitting at his desk at his office job that he had worked for years, thinking it would be just another day filled with routine – instead, he gained a new outlook on life and the incentive to make a serious attempt at realising his dreams. Following his near-death experience, the mellow Baltimore native decided to make his first feature length film, and not too long after he’d managed to acquire enough money from local investors, the sci-fi/horror B-movie that would later become a staple of late night TV called The Alien Factor saw the light of day.

Blood, Boobs & Beast is an affectionate portrait of Dohler directed by John Paul Kinhart, showing interview and on-set footage that was filmed over the course of about 2 years. Dohler, who, in spite of the mixed reviews he received, got all of his films distributed internationally and even made it on national TV working on a shoestring budget, inspired a range of artists and filmmakers after him. He had garnered a cult following of devoted fans over the years, two of which were interviewed for the documentary. But despite all of his underground popularity, Dohler couldn’t have been further from the rockstar aesthetic or aura: the conservative, timid man sporting the classic side part and whose all-time favourite movie was West Side Story seemed just like one of the neighbourhood dads you see waiting in line every day to pick up their kids from school. Peculiarly enough, his endearing average Joe-ness might have been exactly what made him fascinating.

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“Independent film is not only an oxymoron; it doesn’t exist anymore.” – Martha Plimpton

Ever since I can remember I’ve felt that I am different from most of the people who surround me, especially when it comes to art: music, film and literature. During the pre-Internet times (yes, there was such a time) I often felt misunderstood and alienated because a lot of people, family members and friends thought that “being different” was some kind of destructive rebellion phase with the motive of hating everything ”normal” and being attracted to the “abnormal”. This felt strange because I am not the kind of person who hates stuff. In my opinion, you have to have loved or at least had a connection with something/someone in order to feel hate or anger. I just do not care about a lot of things and normality most of the time doesn’t appeal to me. This indifference isn’t based on intolerance of trivial entertainment but simply reflects my dissatisfaction towards socially standardized and corrupted mainstream art.

As a child and later on in my teenage years, I became interested in writing scripts and even did some filming with my dad’s camera, but in the end I was already too influenced by mainstream media and instead of doing my thing I quit because my definition of cinema stood in complete contrast to the mainstream productions. At that age, I simply couldn’t imagine that there were people who were fascinated by (creating) no-budget films.

In the mid/late 1990s, a young man called Robert Rodriguez wrote a book called Rebel without a Crew: Or How a 23-Year-Old filmmaker With $7,000 Became a Hollywood Player. He describes his own remarkable story, the unique and original strategies/techniques he used to make his low-budget debut El Mariachi.

After I read this book I realized that quitting the writing and filming was one of the worst decisions I had ever made. So I began to read even more, watched genre movies, documentaries, how-to videos and I even started writing again. Having done so for over 10 years now doesn’t make me a semi-professional writer or director but what I realized is that there isn’t a need to become one as long as I am happy with what I do.

And that’s exactly what Blood, Boobs & Beast tries to show. The movie doesn’t try to convert anyone, because if you aren’t a fan of cult B or C cinema already, you won’t become one after you have seen BBB, neither is it an instruction guide to not giving a fuck about people who make films for profit. Personally, I think the documentary is full of pieces of wisdom and delivers a perfect insight into the life of a man who thinks differently and for whom filmmaking does not necessarily correlate with the idea of making money.

“A determined soul will do more with a rusty monkey wrench than a loafer will accomplish with all the tools in a machine shop.” – Robert Hughes

I have been a fan of DIY (crust) punk and oldschool Black Metal for years. I am not particularly interested in the topics those genres often deal with but what I can say is that I have a passion for dedicated and honest people who try to remain true to themselves and their values, and the same goes for movies. In fact, DIY music and cinema are not an excuse for lack of talent and money but rather a way of life and an innovative form of expression. With Blood, Boobs & Beast, Kinhart draws a prime example of an indie back-garden movie maker who didn’t like Hollywood and returned to where he belongs in order to make his own stuff. Another fascinating aspect of the documentary is the director’s ability to put the viewer in the time, place and context in which Dohler’s films were made.

Beside this passion, ebullience and idealism there is something else which makes me feel comfortable in this wonderful world of creative underground horror: the social cohesion which instantly creates a familial atmosphere. After having watched the documentary for the 3rd time now, I still feel like I am part of the Dohler family. Something deep within me tells me that I have known this man for years even though I never got the chance to meet him.

If this documentary has a message it is the following one: if you are interested in doing movies, grab a camera and get started but do it with heart and be ambitious because in the end there will always be people who respect you for what you do. Be an inspiration to people like the younger me.

Dear Mrs Plimpton,

You couldn’t be more wrong.

Sincerely yours,

-Luc-

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Unlike Luc, I don’t consider myself a film geek or connoisseur by any means and I never caught the filmmaking bug, but the story and career of Don Dohler inspired me all the same. Here we have someone who worked on basically nothing (The Alien Factor was partly shot in his family’s backyard and featured several family members in the cast, for instance) and still achieved great things with passion and a creative, supportive entourage. When he grew weary of the “BBB” formula and the increasingly exploitative nature of the films he created with his business partner Joe Ripple, instead of lingering on and continuing to do work that he couldn’t support with conviction anymore, he was honest enough to step away from film for a while and focus on things that were more important to him.

Beyond the central theme of filmmaking on the cheap, Blood, Boobs & Beast made me think about what it means to publicly scrutinise the product that emerges from the process. Personally, I do reviews because I like writing, but I wouldn’t say that I am passionate about the reviewing aspect of it. The idea of being downright passionate about judging things as opposed to creating them seems sad to me, for one, and there are instances when it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth because I am perplexed by how vitriolic and contemptuous I can get when I write about art that I detest and that represents values I disagree with. On one side, this seems inevitable. In order to successfully take on the role of a critic, it is crucial for me to speak from a place of unabashed honesty, and if I happen to loathe the subject with every fibre of my being, then so be it. The other and slightly disturbing side of the story, however, is that I am attacking something that doesn’t actively hurt anybody in a lot of cases and that a second person with differing life experiences might very well consider a masterpiece.

I think it’s important to keep in mind that at the end of the day, nobody goes into making a film with the ulterior motive of releasing a piece of shit. They might take the simple route by going for cheap shock value or applying lazy, age-old guidelines and clichés (Cracked’s Trailer For Every Oscar-Winning Movie Ever comes to mind), but there invariably is some degree of work involved – more work than it takes to write 600 words on why the result sucks. Criticising art and analysing it from many different perspectives is necessary, being biting is fine, but it should always be done with an undercurrent of compassion and respect for the creators’ efforts. There are times when I feel personally insulted by an exceedingly bad movie experience – I feel robbed of my time and money and condescended to – and when I review said movies shortly after and those feelings are still fresh, my disdain and frustration show through much more vehemently than they would if I took counsel with my pillow and wrote about them the next day. It is true that there are horrible films out there that deserve the scathing reviews they get, but even behind perceived cinematic bowel movements, there were people who sat down at one point, thought about the concept extensively and jumped through all the hoops required to create and finally sell their product. Chances are that much blood, sweat and tears went into a movie the audiences deem complete and utter trash, and even though that doesn’t make it any better on a technical level or less problematic in its treatment of a topic, I find that it creates a foundation of respect for those who made it, which makes a considerable difference in the way we speak and think of something.

Blood, Boobs & Beast served as a gentle reminder of this fact by humanising and shedding light on the creative process of a filmmaker whose low-budget works polarised the critics and some of which I would admittedly be quick to dismiss if I hadn’t seen this documentary prior, and that is perhaps the most important insight I, as someone who occasionally reviews other people’s art, was able to take away from it. The goal is not to butter anyone up or assign them an A for effort when we perceive their work to be mediocre at best and ludicrous at worst. On the contrary. Reviewers should strive to be honest over anything else, but that by no means excludes treating the makers and their creation with dignity – firmly, sure, but with dignity – because the ultimate truth is that we’re dealing with people who had the courage to bring something to the world that wasn’t there before.

~ Anna ~

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A big thank you to Troma Entertainment, the distributor of Blood, Boobs & Beast, which uploaded the full-length documentary on their YouTube channel. This film is a must-see not only for fans of the genre.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z-CSIFoqJD4&feature=youtu.be]

Close Your Eyes – Empty Hands And Heavy Hearts


Today I want to do something slightly different by asking you a question: has it ever happened to you that you listened to a record when it first came out, dismissed it because you didn’t like it; then a couple of years later you randomly gave it another listen and you ended up loving it? Well that’s exactly what happened to me earlier this month with Close Your Eyes‘ Empty Hands And Heavy Hearts from 2011!

Their music is a very melodic type of hardcore with some small hints of pop-punk, which were more pre-dominant on the predecessor We Will Overcome. The instrumental department leaves nothing to wish for, especially the drums were the thing that sucked me back in when I re-listened to the twelve songs. The melodic guitar-work rounds the whole package off nicely, but the major (re-)selling point for me is…in the next paragraph.

If you’ve read one or two reviews of mine you know that I generally pay attention to the lyrics in music and, more often than not, find similarities between the words and my own life. And even though the band is of Christian belief, which I am not, I managed to identify with a lot of their songs’ meanings. The fact that their singer’s voice is highly enjoyable obviously makes it even easier to like.

To sum things up: this review isn’t really about the record itself but rather me telling you that sometimes it’s worth giving something you dismissed at first another chance. So go through your music collection and give that one album you never really got into another go…you might experience the same thing I did. For more info, you can find the band on Facebook and listen to their song below.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GkpYTU7bg38]

The Dillinger Escape Plan – One Of Us Is The Killer

What’s the sense of Parental Advisory stickers, nowadays? I mean, seriously; is cussing really that kind of big deal to society? Wouldn’t you prefer to hear your beloved daughter cursing in pain than seeing her preggers?

One of us is the killer by The Dillinger Escape Plan is the cursing therapy against all odds. But one should still rethink the concept of the Parental Advisory campaign. In my honest opinion, health warnings adorning future Dillinger Escape Plan releases would make more sense to me. Quotes like the following would be more appropriate:

  1. “Do not listen to this album if you suffer from ADHD. You will explode and die.”
  2. “Do not listen to this album if you suffer from Parkinsons. Fukushima was bad enough and you will die.”
  3. “Do not listen to this album if you have Diabetes. You’re going to die anyway.”

See, it’s not my main goal to analyze and describe each track of this album as that is beyond my writing and rhetorical capacities. The Dillinger Escape Plan are pure madness. Always were, always will be. Not music for wimps. Chaotic to the max and quite challenging to be listened from first to last track. But it’s mad fun! Almost as enjoyable as riding a steroid-pumped mechanical bull.

If it was my purpose to describe the band and the music they create I had one special example. It is no secret that music styles like Djent are the big deal right now. Just imagine Djent as the single player campaign in a shooter game. You enjoyed the whole experience and brag about your achievements until you dare to play the multiplayer modus for the first time. One of us is the killer is the multiplayer platform. You see your whole world tumbling into decadence. Everything you knew until then was a lie. You will see and hear things you never thought existed (*cough* Lemonparty *cough*). Just like a trainwreck, One of us is a killer is cruel but you cannot look away.

Did I say anything relevant about the album? I sure didn’t. Did I make you curious, though? I sure hope so!

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X01H4icz5aU]